Boy-Father

The Stoics/Boy-Father Pattern
(Conscious Boychild, Subconscious Father)

Boy-Father is a less common pattern. People who have this pattern are stoic. They have active, can-do energy at the conscious level, coupled with a forceful directive pattern in the subconscious. They can conquer extreme challenges and often end up in military or law enforcement work, where guns are involved. They display power combined with action. They are very rough-and-ready and know how to get the job done. They seek to find out how everything works and can take things apart with great detachment.

Boy-Fathers have a lot of personal magnetism and look very bright and shiny to others, but behind their social front, we find a pillar of iron impersonality. People can get along with them extremely well, because they do not seem to carry a lot of emotional baggage. They are stoic, take things as they come and think that whatever is happening to them is just the way things are. Boy-Fathers can also be politically savvy. Even though they have an enormous desire to lead the pack, they are willing to be good followers.

Boy-Fathers are great heroes in any crisis. They are the survivors who help others out of difficult situations. They can see beyond the “groupthink” and usually do not land in the same trap as everyone else. When push comes to shove and everybody’s in a panic because the room is on fire and the emergency door won’t open, they calmly work things out and remember to push the right button.

Boy-Fathers can shoot themselves in the foot, because they lack emotional intelligence. Instead, they often prefer to lean toward orthodoxy, toward hard and fast rules that are empirically obvious, and frown upon Girlchild intuition. When Boy-Fathers do not take into account the impact their words, feelings, actions and agendas have on the people around them, they shut down their feedback loop and make costly mistakes, even though they believe they are only calling a spade a spade. Boy-Fathers’ drive for perfection can destroy group morale and end up in mediocrity. If they treat people as paid robots, they may achieve mechanical perfection but will never experience creative transcendence.

Part of the reason Boy-Fathers have such a tough underbelly is that they usually come from families where personal care and intimacy was supplanted by rules. Their early childhood training was very demanding, almost military-like, and they often treat others like they were treated. When someone appears weak, they wonder what is wrong with that person. They tend to forget how difficult things really were during their early years and live to prove that they have no affliction. The chance of finding a Boy-Father in a self-help therapy group or a counseling session, where they might be analyzed or assessed, is very slim. The message they send is that life is great and that they have no problems. This can be very attractive to others and greatly enhances their public image. Nevertheless, despite all appearances, Boy-Fathers tend to suffer from a deep subconscious pattern of self-criticism that was generated in childhood.

Boy-Fathers put up with a lot, but when someone gets on their bad side, they may “erase” that person out of their lives just like they erased their own childhood pain. Once you have been erased, they will not acknowledge your presence, even if you greet them in a doorway. When Boy-Fathers do succeed in rising to power and use this power for wrong, they can become ruthless and show no compunction.

In most cases, Boy-Fathers genuinely do try to make correct choices and do right by others because of the strong rules inculcated into them as children. They strive to excel in life, even though the process may be slow and wrought with trial and error. Behind every successful Boy-Father who means well is a loving, supportive and nurturing spouse or parent. Even though Boy-Fathers can be very intense and aggressive, surprisingly, when they come home, take their guns off, hang them up on the door and go into the bedroom, their spouse is usually the boss. If they are not married, their mother usually plays that role.

The best way to cultivate a relationship with a Boy-Father is to provide much-needed nurturing and support. Behind their rough exterior, Boy-Fathers long for intimacy, even though they do not think they need it. They do not realize how starved they are for affection, because they are so used to depriving themselves of it. In turn, Boy-Fathers must be careful not to bite the hand that feeds them by criticizing or overly dominating those who would care for them. Then, even though Boy-Fathers may not express their gratitude in an open way, their willingness to stand by their loved ones through thick and thin, without requiring a great deal of attention, will speak for itself.

~Boy-Fathers have a shiny, magnetic presence.

~They are hardworking, rough-and-ready individuals who conquer difficult challenges.

~They are great heroes in any crisis and shine in the thick of the fight.

~They tend to have a harsh childhood but usually do not remember it.

~They can sabotage themselves through self-criticism and by not caring enough about other people’s feelings.

~Boy-Fathers lean toward orthodoxy and toward hard and fast rules. They can be relentless.

The Boy-Father pattern is described in greater detail in the books, The Inner Family Archetypes: Building Loving Relationships Through Divine Self-Awareness and Why We Do What We Do.




	The Stoics/Boy-Father Pattern (Conscious Boychild, Subconscious Father) Boy-Father is a less common pattern. People who have this pattern are stoic. They have active, can-do energy at the conscious level, coupled with a forceful directive pattern in the subconscious. They can conquer extreme challenges and often end up in military or law enforcement work, where guns are involved. They display power combined with action. They are very rough-and-ready and know how to get the job done. They seek to find out how everything works and can take things apart with great detachment. Boy-Fathers have a lot of personal magnetism and look very bright and shiny to others, but behind their social front, we find a pillar of iron impersonality. People can get along with them extremely well, because they do not seem to carry a lot of emotional baggage. They are stoic, take things as they come and think that whatever is happening to them is just the way things are. Boy-Fathers can also be politically savvy. Even though they have an enormous desire to lead the pack, they are willing to be good followers. Boy-Fathers are great heroes in any crisis. They are the survivors who help others out of difficult situations. They can see beyond the “groupthink” and usually do not land in the same trap as everyone else. When push comes to shove and everybody’s in a panic because the room is on fire and the emergency door won’t open, they calmly work things out and remember to push the right button. Boy-Fathers can shoot themselves in the foot, because they lack emotional intelligence. Instead, they often prefer to lean toward orthodoxy, toward hard and fast rules that are empirically obvious, and frown upon Girlchild intuition. When Boy-Fathers do not take into account the impact their words, feelings, actions and agendas have on the people around them, they shut down their feedback loop and make costly mistakes, even though they believe they are only calling a spade a spade. Boy-Fathers’ drive for perfection can destroy group morale and end up in mediocrity. If they treat people as paid robots, they may achieve mechanical perfection but will never experience creative transcendence. Part of the reason Boy-Fathers have such a tough underbelly is that they usually come from families where personal care and intimacy was supplanted by rules. Their early childhood training was very demanding, almost military-like, and they often treat others like they were treated. When someone appears weak, they wonder what is wrong with that person. They tend to forget how difficult things really were during their early years and live to prove that they have no affliction. The chance of finding a Boy-Father in a self-help therapy group or a counseling session, where they might be analyzed or assessed, is very slim. The message they send is that life is great and that they have no problems. This can be very attractive to others and greatly enhances their public image. Nevertheless, despite all appearances, Boy-Fathers tend to suffer from a deep subconscious pattern of self-criticism that was generated in childhood. Boy-Fathers put up with a lot, but when someone gets on their bad side, they may “erase” that person out of their lives just like they erased their own childhood pain. Once you have been erased, they will not acknowledge your presence, even if you greet them in a doorway. When Boy-Fathers do succeed in rising to power and use this power for wrong, they can become ruthless and show no compunction. In most cases, Boy-Fathers genuinely do try to make correct choices and do right by others because of the strong rules inculcated into them as children. They strive to excel in life, even though the process may be slow and wrought with trial and error. Behind every successful Boy-Father who means well is a loving, supportive and nurturing spouse or parent. Even though Boy-Fathers can be very intense and aggressive, surprisingly, when they come home, take their guns off, hang them up on the door and go into the bedroom, their spouse is usually the boss. If they are not married, their mother usually plays that role. The best way to cultivate a relationship with a Boy-Father is to provide much-needed nurturing and support. Behind their rough exterior, Boy-Fathers long for intimacy, even though they do not think they need it. They do not realize how starved they are for affection, because they are so used to depriving themselves of it. In turn, Boy-Fathers must be careful not to bite the hand that feeds them by criticizing or overly dominating those who would care for them. Then, even though Boy-Fathers may not express their gratitude in an open way, their willingness to stand by their loved ones through thick and thin, without requiring a great deal of attention, will speak for itself. ~Boy-Fathers have a shiny, magnetic presence. ~They are hardworking, rough-and-ready individuals who conquer difficult challenges. ~They are great heroes in any crisis and shine in the thick of the fight. ~They tend to have a harsh childhood but usually do not remember it. ~They can sabotage themselves through self-criticism and by not caring enough about other people’s feelings. ~Boy-Fathers lean toward orthodoxy and toward hard and fast rules. They can be relentless. The Boy-Father pattern is described in greater detail in the books, The Inner Family Archetypes: Building Loving Relationships Through Divine Self-Awareness and Why We Do What We Do.